An Unimpressive Sacrifice

A few weeks ago, C Henry wrote a sensible inquiry into what little Jesus sacrificed. That got me to thinking. I mean, what is being "temporarily dead" for three days mean to an eternal super-being? He wouldn't even need an aspirin. How can poorly-educated farm boy like me easily find so many huge holes in the Biblical resurrection story?

Your first question should be, do gods feel pain like humans? (I mean actual gods, not mortals with mental disease.) What would earthling pain mean to the maker of the universe? What's a library fine to Bill Gates when he could buy the library?

Why did it take Jesus three days to revive himself after dying? Why not just stay up on the cross, alive and well, for decades? It's not like an actual immortal deity would need to eat, sleep or poop. Imagine the crowds he would have drawn. Instead, the Bible says in two places that he died whimpering, “God, why did you forget about me?”

Why choose ordinary “dying” as any kind of grand gesture? Mortal men die worse deaths every day. Wouldn't "not dying" have been way more impressive? How about this: the soldiers try to kill Jesus, but their swords bounce off? Way more god-like. But it turns out, Jesus was pretty easy to kill.

If Jesus loved humans so much, why not stick around a few hundred years and spread his gospel? Being gone is what people do who are actually dead. If Jesus remained alive for a thousand years, maybe Christians wouldn’t be a minority on planet Earth.

You could put your pinky finger on a large globe and cover every step Jesus ever took. For real. Why was Jesus such a slacker? Put a map of New England over the Middle East, and the King of the Jews didn’t leave Connecticut. A real super-being could teleport to every capital on the planet, places where they actually knew how to write. Better yet, why not take a few hundred years and walk the whole globe? Normal mortals completely walk around the planet that all the time, but not Jesus. Why?

How do believers miss this contradiction? Matthew and Luke both claim Herod wanted to kill the baby Jesus. So if the Lamb of God’s job on earth was to die for our sins, why didn’t the two-year-old god say, "Bring it on, Herod, I came to be killed"? Imagine it. Instead, the parents of the most powerful entity in the cosmos ran like they knew he was a fragile human baby. Why did Matthew and Luke concoct contradictory stories to keep Jesus from getting killed when *getting killed* was why he came here?

Even if Jesus really had to die, (and remember who made up that rule,) why not prove it was Jesus’ choice to die by being invincible first? It would be child’s play for a god to be unkillable, and then surrender himself willingly. The Jesus story, as told, is flatly unimpressive for a super-being.

John and Luke both said Jesus waited until he was 30 years old to start his ministry. Yes, even the Bible admits Jesus didn’t do jack for 30 years! Let me say it again, what better things did Jesus have to do for three decades? Why is literally 90% of Jesus’ life a complete and utter mystery, undocumented in any way? That is a very simple question that NO minister has ever answered. Why?

The name Jesus doesn’t appear anywhere in the Bible or any other written record on Earth prior to his birth. So much for prophesy. But hey, if Jesus was so important, why didn’t somebody think to write a single word about him during his whole lifetime? Literally nobody who actually met Jesus was impressed enough to write down so much as a verb. Even religious Bible scholars admit this. Not one word in the Bible was written while Jesus was alive. Why not?

That’s God’s master plan? Or an accident of ancient pre-literate mysticism?

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